We love your barnacled beaches, especially the ones where we can walk our dogs (Hendry’s). And while we are by the seaside, we love to dive (Anacapa Dive Shop), and surf (Rincon), and wear hot swimwear (Bikini Factory), too.

We marvel at your mountains, purple and otherwise, and, as we stare up at their grandeur, we dream of camping (S.B. Outfitters) and buying cars (Milpas Motors) or renting them (Enterprise) to motor into the valley to visit wineries (Sunstone). If you had winter here, we would ski (Mountain Air Sports), too.

Perhaps our wild infatuations run deepest, though, whilst mingling with your masses in thy teeming alabaster city. Here we tend to be enraptured by your restaurants (Hungry Cat), canoodle in your nightclubs (SOhO), and shiver expectantly in your many varied shops (Book Den, Lewis & Clark, or Glenda’s Party Cove).

Sometimes after shopping and eating, though, a bit surfeited perhaps, we’ll seek out your diet and exercise programs (Weight Watchers, Spectrum), acupuncturists (Lonnie Wu), or specialty spas (Evolutions, Avia.)

And then when night falls, after an evening of theater (SBCC) or a night of song (S.B. Bowl), we crawl back to our castles (Village Properties), remember the spectacles of our Santa Barbara days (optometrist Thomas F. Burke), and kick back in our fine furniture (Summerland Antique Collective), heartened by all the glory we live amongst, and thus heave a satisfying sigh.

Oh, Santa Barbara, you’re the best.

• Butchers to Bakers

• Bumper to Bumper

• Burgers to Bistros

• Bells to Whistles

• Roses to Rings

• Highbrow to Get-Down

• Rugrats to Kittycats

• Caffeine to Cocktails

• Head to Toe

• Jocks to Rocks

• Roof to Roots

• Wants to Needs


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